DocStout - Nothing Clever to Say

Falling behind.

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 15:33:42 GMT

With my LJ, so much happens in my life, and so much of it is the same kind of stuff (still poor, love my wife, never go out, computer game of the moment) that I feel that if I post at all, I need to write the "update epic", or it'll be another lukewarm "here's where I was the last six months, and its about where I was on the last one of these" posts.

Some bullet points:
- My job is the most fulfilling I've had, and pays almost enough (more than I'm used to.)
- I work with severely emotionally disturbed high-school kids.
- SB and I are sorta afloat, as she continues to look for work in this economy.
- I've become completely addicted to using P2P software for media, and filled 225/300 GB on my HD.
- My car is not long for this world, as my commute is 35 miles. :(
- I run a weekly 50 Fathoms campaign, a Savage Worlds setting that combines pirate adventure, high-seas commerce and fantasy magic and combat (think Pirates of Dark Water meets Port Royale 2.)
- I've all but quit WoW, as getting up at 5AM every day makes raiding tough.
- I've re-discovered lots of classic SNES and NES games, and picked up Fallout 2, Jagged Alliance 2, and Diablo 2 after having put them away ages ago.
- My current gaming obsessions: RPG - Savage Worlds : Rippers, Console - Not really anything until we can afford a Wii. PC games - Spore
- I don't like D&D 4th Edition. Maybe my dislike will evaporate over time, but for now, I view it with mild disdain.
- Since my attention span has deteriorated to that of a Magpie with ADHD, I likely will not beat myself up about not checking myspace and not updating LJ. Facebook seems more my speed at the moment, so I'll do life updates there, might even start a Twitter.

Since I disappeared...

Fri, 16 May 2008 13:41:33 GMT

...the following things have happened.

- SB and I quit smoking.
- I gained 20 pounds.
- I learned how to make a few hundred dollars last months.
- I worked 2 shows with Bobby.
- We got a huge tax return, the "first year married" bonus.
- I grew, and later shaved off a 'stache and goatee.
- SB and I got back into World of Warcraft, and got our characters in with a 25-man group that is progressing through Black Temple.
- I realized I don't drink nearly as much as I used to, and it is more likely to be wine than beer or shots these days.
- I grew my hair longer, it is at that "not quite a mullet" stage now, likely cut it soon.
- I started a weekly RPG game with a pirate theme, reconnecting socially with a few people.
- I caught up with "Lost", after ignoring it for a season and a half.
- I missed the people I haven't seen in months terribly.
- I remembered that everything happens for a reason.

... So, here I am. The money is nearly all gone, and I'm still happy. I am about to go in to fill out my paperwork, as I accepted a position in education, as a teaching assistant working with emotionally disturbed kids. We've got enough to cover the basics until the Economic Stimulus check comes in, and after that, my first few paychecks should be rolling in.

I'm not gonna say "We'll hang out once I'm back on my feet." I've been saying that for a year now, and it is always something. Either I'm broke, I'm busy, or both. What I will say is that if anyone wants to hang out, my number is the same, but I am pretty much limited to inviting folks over here in small groups. The building we live in is not big on the types of party that I would host, and when it comes to going out, we are in a place now where every dollar spent on gas and food is a major decision. I'll want to celebrate working again, do the bar thing, but I'm not gonna tell everyone that they have to wait until I can do that. 80% of my friends haven't seen me since well before I got married.

If anyone wants to change that, hit me up. My cell has the same number, and is still on (for now) and I'll check this once a week or so, and my e-mail daily. Since people I'd call "friend" have wildly different interests, I won't suggest what we'd do... for some people it might be board games, some might just want to watch a movie and catch up.

Whatever Happened to Josh?

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 02:41:18 GMT

...I mean, no one's seen him, right?

...Old story, guy meets girl, guy marries girl, guy falls off the face of the earth?

Not exactly.

Since I started this most recent job, I've been plagued with the usual round of financial difficulties. Only now, not only did I not have enough money, I had no time, either. My lovely wife and I are very happy together, we have no money, we decided to get involved in World of Warcraft. By involved, I mean "hardcore raiders", playing between 5 and 7 nights a week, killing high-end bosses, we can't smoke in bars anymore and can't really afford to go out anyway, so it was easy. Work, WoW, sleep. Repeat endlessly.

The job... changed. The economy got tight and the price of precious metal is out of control, meaning cutbacks, layoffs, more pressure on the management, and 65% of the staff is either let go or quits, making everything harder and less friendly to those who remain. I slowly become absolutely miserable there, every day I go in kills me a little bit, and I stop laughing, don't even smile much. Doing what I have to, I return to the grind. Work, WoW, sleep.

Today, two things happened. I lose the job I hate, and the guild we are in on our WoW server disbands suddenly. No income, no WoW. Strangely, I'm happy. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy. Not just happy with my marriage, but though I am unemployed and without my usual diversion, I'm happy with my life. Worried about where our food money is coming from? Sure. I struggle with anxiety, so worry isn't new to me.

Everything happens for a reason. It is time to move on to whatever is next. I cannot believe that these things happening on the same day is coincidence. I don't know how, but we'll be fine. There is a plan in motion here, something I need to be doing that I haven't been. Time to find out what that is.

Elope-tastic!

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 03:14:39 GMT

So, I'm married.

Impatient to get to it after a health-related scare, SB and I tied the knot, just the two of us, at a civil ceremony at the Maybrook Courthouse. We are happy, and I am trying to get used to this metal thingie on my left hand.

:D

That is all.

Xbox360 and Ayn Rand.

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 13:12:13 GMT

Finally, a non-friends only post that isn't meaningless drivel.

So... Bioshock. I could focus on the incredible graphics, the use of lighting, or the pace, which make the game fast, fun and terrifying. Not gonna do that. This is the internet, and if someone is really interested in that stuff, they've already read a review.

I'm going to talk about the introduction of ideas not usually targeted to the console gaming crowd, in a first person shooter. Many hard-core fans of Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead have already started complaining that the game is misrepresenting depiction of the philosophy through the focal character in the setting as the rantings of "yet another left-wing whacko." They have lost the context of the game. This isn't an advertisement for objectivist thought. This is a videogame, and the negative slant put on the philosophy is clearly the fault of madness and insanity brought on by science gone horribly wrong. A first-person shooter with a working Utopia, where nothing has gone wrong, would be horribly dull.

Andrew Ryan (a clever nod to Ayn Rand in the name) created the city of Rapture in 1945 as a way to reject the values of the American Republic, the Russian Communist state, and the church. Early in the game, you are treated to an introduction film to Rapture by the man himself, stating "Is a person not entitled to the sweat of their brow?" Another quote, from the game's trailer by Ryan: "A man has a choice. I chose the impossible. I built a city where the artist would not fear the censor, where the great would not be constrained by the small, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality. I chose to build... Rapture. But my city was betrayed by the weak. So I ask you, my friend...if your life's price was to kill the innocent, would you sacrifice your humanity? We all make choices...but in the end, our choices make us."

The city is a dream, and it works for nearly 14 years. Ryan states: "It was not impossible to build Rapture at the bottom of the Ocean. It was impossible to build it anywhere else." Upon the discovery of ADAM, a material found only in a deep-sea parasite, incredible feats of genetic manipulation, augmentation and engineering become possible. People rapidly become smarter, stronger, more beautiful and capable of tasks normally left to science fiction novels. Adam-based augmentations permeate every facet of society, as advertisements show in the city. The material, however, is addictive... and overuse causes madness.

Through the progression of the game, the consequences of genetic engineering that causes addiction and madness in a sealed environment shows continued development of more objectivist thought, though after the fall of Rapture, the philosophy is twisted by madness and completley nihilistic degradation. Ryan himself becomes a paranoid dictator, locking down the city to attempt to save his dream, the scientists who created the mutagenic enhancements set up their own little kingdoms in the city, while more philosophy is piped in over the city's speakers. In the medical center, discussions about "the parasite" as both a social being with no contribution to society and a literal organism are scattered through audio diaries, running commentary and NPC mutterings.

This is getting long, and I'd like to get deeper into the game before continuing anyway... look for a part 2, and feel free to link this post to anyone who might find it interesting.

Heroes Quiz...

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 05:00:51 GMT

Isaac Mendez

You scored 25 Idealism, 54 Nonconformity, 62 Nerdiness

I need painting supplies.
Congratulations, you're Isaac Mendez! You're a talented, creative, artistic soul with a few demons you've been working to overcome. You are really passionate person and you are not afraid to express yourself or your emotions.

Your best quality: Creativity and artistic talent.
Your worst quality: A possibly addictive or indulgent personality

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Idealism
You scored higher than 99% on Nonconformity
You scored higher than 99% on Nerdiness

Link: The Heroes Personality Test written by freedomdegrees on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Too much going on for a real post...

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 11:10:15 GMT

...so here is a meme, from darkfugue

Dating Strengths	Dating Weaknesses
1. Flirtiness - 100% 2. Sense of Humor - 85.7% 3. Spirituality - 76.9% 4. Confidence - 72.2% 5. Varied Interests - 57.1%	1. Arrogance - 75% 2. Lack of Essentials - 66.7% 3. Financial Issues - 63.6% 4. Selfishness - 63.6% 5. Negative Reputation - 55.6%

Dating Strengths Explained
Flirtiness - Flirting is a good way to break the ice, and you are a pro at it. Being flirtatious will open up many dating opportunities. Sense of Humor - Women are attracted to people with a good sense of humor. Be sure to put yours on display! Spirituality - Your spiritual side brings you peace and balance, and keeps you grounded. This is attractive, as you can help reinforce this quality in other people. Confidence - You are sure of yourself and confident of your abilities. Displays of confidence go a long way when attracting a date. Varied Interests - You don't limit yourself, and that's a dating asset. Your varied interests make you available and interesting to a wider range of women.
Dating Weaknesses Explained
Arrogance - You are a bit full of yourself. You need to practice a little humility now and then, as arrogance can be a turn-off. Lack of Essentials - Dating is difficult for you because you lack certain key things, which may include private space, a car, money, or a nice wardrobe. Work toward obtaining these essentials! Financial Issues - Your financial situation is not in good shape, and this does not bode well for you on the dating scene. Try to get on top of your financial difficulties. Selfishness - You think too much of yourself and your needs. You must learn to put your partner first and tend to her needs. Negative Reputation - Your reputation may be working against you. Sometimes this is impossible to control, but try to counter-act it by presenting yourself in positive ways.
Dating Strengths and Weaknesses Quiz by Dating Diversions

One word meme

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 20:03:06 GMT

I do these infrequently, but I got this one from atlanticat and took it as a challenge, as I'm not sure I can do it.

You.
Can.
Type.
Only.
One.
Word.

No explaining. No elaboration. One word.

1. Yourself: juxtaposed

2. Your significant other(s): soulmate

3. Your hair: curly

4. Your mother: deceased

5. Your father: retired

6. Your favorite item: gadget

7. Your dream last night: faded

8. Your favorite drink: Guinness

9. Your dream car: 'Cuda

10. The room you are in: mess

11. Your ex: psycho

12. Your fear: alone

13. What you want to be in 10 years: Actor

14. Who you hung out with last night: soulmate

15. What you're not: Judgemental

16. Muffins: blueberry

17. One of your wish list items: membership

18. Time: afternoon

19. The last thing you did: lunch

20. What you are wearing: robe

21. Your favorite weather: warm

22. Your favorite book: Watchmen

23. The last thing you ate: Ravioli

24. Your life: incomplete

25. Your mood: hopeful

26. Your best friend: unstable

27. What you are thinking about right now: future

28. Your car: korean

29. What you are doing at the moment: procrastinating

30. Your summer: Bacchanailian.

31. Your relationship status: taken

32. What is on your TV: AT-AT

33. What the weather is like: cold

34. The last time you laughed: yesterday

That was difficult, but not as hard as I feared it would be.

Changes.

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 09:16:26 GMT

I haven't updated in a while. Back in my first entry, I talked about how if you have something in your life worth talking about, you don't have time to blog. Welcome to my Autumn.

This spring, I lost a job and a place that turned my life around when I first got it. This summer, I cut loose like I have not in ages, forged relationships with new folks, mourned that I'd lost touch with old friends, and most importantly, met the woman who would change my life forever. This autumn has been difficult. I'm making changes, and they are only going to get bigger.

I've been a gamer, a comedian, an actor, a writer, a pick-up artist, a drag queen, a leader, and a lover. Through it all, I've been alone. Surrounded by many dozens of friends, I've been alone. I have met the only person who has ever made me feel anything else, and I don't wonder if it is worth it, if I can go on. She is the first person in my many, many relationships I've ever really been in love with, and she's told me that I am the same to her. She is highly intelligent, silly, breathtakingly beautiful, creative and both treats me well and loves me for who I am. That would be enough, but she is also a gamer, author of a Living Arcanis Module and active and interested in many of the same things I am, including World of Warcraft. We survive being over 100 miles apart, scraping out wages more suitable for teenagers than adults, and only getting to see each other for a few days one or twice a month.

I don't want to be alone any longer, and the instant we can change the distance between us, we will. I'm nearly ready, she's nearly ready. Will the rest of the world be?

First, the both of us as taken by me with a digital camera:

This October, at my cousin's wedding:

And SB, my sister-in-law, and her good friend.

LJ Interests Collage!

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 18:36:54 GMT

Tech Week. Too busy for a real entry, so look at some pretty pictures that represent things I like. Collage gets screwed up in the "s" section of my interests with regard to pictures matching interests...

Mad thanks to evilphoenix

Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424

Sooo... the new show.

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 18:59:46 GMT

I've been really, really cagey with details about my new show. I wanted to make sure that it was solid before getting details out. I'm ready as of now to put out the good word.

The word is: drag.

I am one of the two males in the upcoming completely improvised drag revue: Drag it Up. This isn't a straight up drag show, though there are drag cabaret pieces interspersed with the scenes. The theme of the show is secrets. The drag Kings and Queens (I'll be Mistress of Ceremonies for half the run,) will be doing long-form improvised scenes and completely improvised songs based upon secrets provided by the audience at the beginning of each night. No one, to my knowledge, had ever done anything exactly like this, and it is likely to be the most challenging thing I've ever done on stage or screen. Due to scheduling conflicts, for one weekend, I'm the only Queen in the piece.

The run is Friday/Saturday in September, starting on the 8th, at 11:00PM at the Rogue Theater in Andersonville. The theater is at 5123 N Clark Street, and since the seating is limited and we are promoting the hell out of this show, reserving tickets is highly recommended. Tickets are $8.00, and reservations can be made at 773-561-5893.

I can now safely say that my "happy clap" is not the least masculine thing I do.

Heh... celebrities?

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 07:46:38 GMT

I don't recognize most of these peeps...

I'll post a real entry soon.

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 06:16:20 GMT

But this was too too funny. "You hear the sounds of old school rap in the distance." Beware praying at the Altar of darkfugue. Ye have been warned.

I died in the Dungeon of Docstout

I was killed in a gothic-arched temple by the wrath of Darkfugue, whilst carrying...

the Wand of Mmorpgs, the Sword of Vices, the Dagger of Tattoos, the Armour of Racquetball, the Armour of Paranormal Phenomena and 17 gold pieces.

Score: 8

Explore the Dungeon of Docstout and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

Maybe not a "proper" PICSPAM, but...

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:35:36 GMT

Inspired by kateshort, I'm gonna run a bunch of nutty images atcha. Top one is a candid pic of me from karaoke when I didn't know a camera was in the room, the rest are just random stuff I've collected.

Black & White...

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 22:37:12 GMT

Thanks and a shout-out to sweetkim

Clark Gable
You scored 38% Tough, 28% Roguish, 4% Friendly, and 28% Charming!

You're a helluva guy and a bit of an enigma. You're a man's man, tough talking and ready for anything, and you make the ladies swoon with your rakish ways. You're equally admired by both men and women alike, drinking other men under the table all the while charming the socks off half a dozen lovelies. You're a commanding presence, and you know how to get what - and who - you want when you want it. You're drawn to women who, like you, are savvy enough to deal with the world on their own terms. You work well with spitfires. Leading ladies include Joan Crawford, Myrna Loy, and Jean Harlow. No damsels in distress for you.

Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the
Classic Dames Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Tough
You scored higher than 99% on Roguish
You scored higher than 99% on Friendly
You scored higher than 99% on Charming

Link: The Classic Leading Man Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Back from Origins...

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 04:34:49 GMT

Tales of Gaming and trouble... (yes, I even managed to get into trouble at another gaming con) when I can manage... likely after sleep. For now... My Live Trumps card!

LIVE TRUMPS 1.1

watch docstout fight

CREATE YOUR CARD

Blue Max Improv!

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 19:34:39 GMT

If anyone is looking for some inexpensive entertainment for the evening, I'll be Emcee for another Swift Kick Improv Show at Blue Max Coffee in Forest Park tonight!

Time: 7:30PM (Doors open at 7)
Place: Blue Max
26 Lathrop Ave
Forest Park, IL 60130
Phone Number: 708.366.9224
Cost: $5

Well, that's that, then.

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 05:34:43 GMT

Hobbytown over.
Unemployed = very yes.
(Bonus points to everyone except Billy who gets the reference... it is really sorta a gimme for him.)

More on this subject as the major changes to life as I've known it sink in.

Dealing with me...

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 09:37:25 GMT

People don't usually come with an instruction manual. Sometimes, I think that maybe it would be easier if I did. It would eliminate a lot of the confusion and miscommunication in friendships and other relationships. Here are a few possible excerpts:

1. Most importantly, if you want to know something, ask me. How I feel about something, someone, you, what I think about something. I'll be honest, and I'll almost always answer. If I don't, either I don't know, or I am protecting someone.

2. Feel free to contact me. Email, LiveJournal, my cell phone. If you don't have the number and want it, ask. I won't be weirded out. I am often busy, but I always get back to people who make an effort. Sometimes, I end up with nothing going on because everyone assumes that I'm busy. If you don't know me well yet and want to change that or we've lost touch, a little effort keeps me from being distracted too badly by shiny stuff.

3. Don't assume. My body language and lack of agenda or expectation makes me extremely difficult to "read", and the signals you pick up on will often be misinterpreted.

4. If I hurt you, tell me. I don't hurt people on purpose, and I do my best to make amends, once I know I've done something. Same goes for if I've weirded you out or made you uncomfortable, I understand that there is an important distinction between "that creeped me out" and "I think you are a creep."

5. If you hurt me, or think you have, apologies are appreciated, but not doing it again means more. I am damn near universally forgiving.

6. You don't have to edit when communicating with me, and you don't have to apologize for who you are. I accept every part of the people I choose to spend time with, even if I don't always like what they do.

7. Yes, I have a big ego. No, that doesn't mean I think I'm better than you. My confidence is the up-side of this trait, my arrogance is the down-side. I've made my peace with that.

8. Don't use me, not to make someone else jealous, not to feel better about yourself. Even if I'm not clever enough to catch you at it, there are plenty of eyes watching my back, and I'll figure it out eventually.

9. I can be strangely intense, emotional even, for a fairly masculine and non-needy guy. It almost certainly isn't about you if I'm in a mood, and frequently even if something you said or did put me there, there is more going on than meets the eye.

10. I am a flirt. It doesn't always mean anything, but sometimes it does... see #1.

11. If you are trying to figure me out, I wish you luck. Don't burn too many brain cells on it, though... the one thing you can count on is that you'll never know exactly what I'll do next (and usually, neither do I.)

12. Don't take this, me, or yourself too seriously. I'm frequently grinning or laughing because people amuse me. There are worse ways to be.

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

Tue, 30 May 2006 19:24:47 GMT

I'm feeling fairly chipper. I really need to stop posting entries after drinking. More than that, I need to arrange for taxi transportation if I have any clue that I'm likely to imbibe that much. If I were the sort of person who got embarassed about his misbehavior, I'd be turning red now. Le sigh...

Improv rehearsal tonight for the half hour set in Oak Park on Sunday. Its gonna be an outdoor show, short set... I'll be Emceeing the show again. A lot of music this time 'round, and it is a totally free show. Scoville Park, Day in Our Village.

Right. Back to work.

No mas...

Mon, 29 May 2006 04:38:29 GMT

I'm tired... so very tired.

I think I nailed the Firefighter exam solidly, had a good time out last night with elonden and sweetkim, and today was inoffensive. Been playing Burnout: Revenge on XBox360 online, mostly crashing into stuff.

Something is missing, and I don't know what. As much as I'll miss the store, I'm looking forward to having a little time to think. I need to pull my head together, but the pieces are all scattered about. I need rest.

Rockin' it... my way.

Wed, 24 May 2006 22:13:17 GMT

Been a little bipolar lately, crazy ups and downs. At the moment, though, I feel good.

Training update: Starting weight - 325 lbs, Current weight - 218 lbs. Total inches lost from waistline = 16.
Blew away my old goal weight. New goal - 185 lbs. Feeling good, but the whole "loose skin" problem doesn't go away until you are around 10% body fat (without expensive and painful surgery.)

Job stuff: potential offers trickling in without really doing anything to sell myself. I take the Chicago Fire Department written exam 8:00AM Friday morning. Looking forward to taking a little time off, focusing on getting my head together and taking a shot at more actingwork while I wait to hear about the academy. Might take something part-time to pay bills while I wait, full time work will either wait until fall or if I am offered an obscene salary.

Drama: None. No time for it, and I'm keeping all my various flirtations and short-term relationships low-key. Being broke from having paid off old bills that piled up when I was reeling from Ides + Vegas means going out is difficult anyway. I could stand to cut back my beer and cigarette intake anyway.

I hate these stupid things, but...

Sat, 13 May 2006 08:06:11 GMT

I took it anyway. From evilphoenix ...
Your results:
You are Will Riker

Will Riker		75%
James T. Kirk (Captain)		75%
Jean-Luc Picard		65%
Deanna Troi		60%
Uhura		60%
Worf		55%
Geordi LaForge		55%
Chekov		50%
Mr. Sulu		45%
Leonard McCoy (Bones)		40%
Mr. Scott		35%
An Expendable Character (Redshirt)		35%
Spock		32%
Data		26%
Beverly Crusher		10%

At times you are self-centered
but you have many friends.
You love many women, but the right
woman could get you to settle down.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

Too Busy

Tue, 02 May 2006 07:08:36 GMT

I have rather a lot to post about, but no time to do it in. Been working and then out drinking every night since... Thursday.

Updates soon.

Not worth it.

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 07:01:40 GMT

Started to write something really angry and bitter to post here, but I don't feel that way. I just feel tired.

Everything is still status quo, no major blow-outs or breakdowns with anyone.

I need to focus for a moment. I need to remember that the way I operate best is not to try to exist as a part of someone else's world, but rather to allow them to enter mine. When it comes to the things I want to do with my life, the question is not "Who will let me do things my way, and get what I want?" The question is "Who can stop me from getting what I want?" I honestly feel a little sorry for the person who decides to be a barrier to my big-picture stuff. I wouldn't mess with me, and I'm a large, semi-muscular man.

Just letting my thoughts run wild for a bit. They seem to be chewing on the furniture and making a mess of the place. (That could have something to do with the half-bottle of merlot and 6 beers I had this evening, though.) I'll post about Chicago Improv Fest when it is over, and then perhaps some musing about my recent reading.